It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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