I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
