I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
