I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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