some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
