No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You're a waste of cheezeits
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
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