My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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