Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
