i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think a kid would responsible me up
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
