I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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