i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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