I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
