dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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