I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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