SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
