Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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