my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
