out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
