i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
