Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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