her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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