didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
