I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
