I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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