What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
