shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The uberlube is also flammable
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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