dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
His nipple licking is glorious
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