i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
