he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize