I'm going to jail i love you
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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