I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize