just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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