i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
