the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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