everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
