So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
