3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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