Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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