my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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