Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
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How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
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You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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