He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
