So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
