mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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