she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
