Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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