"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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