I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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