i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
