I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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