I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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