Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
