i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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