Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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