there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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