Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
