I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
