First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
