I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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