I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
