I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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