She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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