I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
