hell yes lets make some ravioli
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
