I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
