Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
