It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
