i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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