You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
