i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
