My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
