I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
