i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
